How to Make Friends in Secondary School in Singapore | A Guide for Sec 1 Students

If you’re starting Secondary 1 and don’t know anyone, begin with a small conversation you can repeat. Ask the person next to you about a classroom, a recess stall or something you just did in orientation. The next time you see them, say hello again or ask whether they want to walk with you. You can start making friends before you know which group you’ll spend most of your time with.

Look for places where you see the same people regularly. Your form class, a lesson group and a co-curricular activity can each give you a different chance to get to know someone. If your first invitation doesn’t work, try another time or another person. A good first-week aim is finding someone you can greet again tomorrow.

• Use a shared task or place to start a short conversation.
• Follow up with a second hello or a small invitation.
• Look for people who make room for you and show interest in return.
• Keep old friendships while you build new routines.
• Tell a trusted adult if repeated exclusion or hurtful behaviour makes school difficult.

• Find a natural opening
• Try a first-week plan
• Build a friendship over time
• Get help when you need it
• Support a child as a parent
• Read the frequently asked questions

Chapters 1–3

• 1. Start with a place or activity you already share
• 2. A first-week plan for students who feel awkward
• 3. Turn a few conversations into a friendship

Chapters 4–6

• 4. What to do when a conversation goes nowhere
• 5. When loneliness, exclusion or teasing needs adult help
• 6. How parents can support a new Secondary 1 student

Chapters 7–8

• 7. Three worked examples for the first month
• 8. Frequently asked questions and one thing to try tomorrow

The beginning of Secondary 1 gives you some ready-made reasons to speak. You may be trying to find the same room, working out where to queue or deciding how to finish an orientation task. A question about the immediate situation gives the other person an easy way to answer. “Are you going to the hall too?” can be enough for the first conversation.

Once you have a reply, say your name if you have not met. “Thanks. I’m Nadia, by the way.” If you know theirs, try using it the next time you greet them. In a new class there are many people to remember. A name and one shared experience make it easier to start again.

What to say when you sit next to someone

Start with something both of you can see or have just heard. “Did you catch which page we need?” “Which orientation activity did you like?” “Do you know whether we bring this book tomorrow?” A question about school can lead to a second question about the person. “Have you used this kind of planner before?” leaves room for them to tell you a little more.

Share something small about yourself too. “I’m still trying to find the Science room. I came up the wrong staircase yesterday.” This gives the person something to respond to without feeling interviewed. You can keep the conversation brief if class is about to start.

What to say when you arrive at recess alone

Look for one person you have spoken with or an available place where it is appropriate to sit. “Is this seat free?” is a practical first question. If the person says a friend is coming, you can ask another table or take another seat. If they say yes, you can ask what they are eating or whether they have worked out how long the queue takes.

You can also make a plan before recess. “I’m getting food after this. Want to walk down together?” Walking alongside someone can feel easier than approaching a table full of people. If they are meeting a friend, try “Okay, see you later.” You can invite them another time if there have been other signs they enjoy talking.

Keep a few openings that sound natural to you

You might like asking a question, offering a small comment or suggesting a task. “That game was harder than it looked,” “Do you want to compare timetables?” and “I’m heading to the library” each give the other person a way to join. Choose a line that fits your own voice. The aim is to make it easier for two people to begin, even if the conversation only lasts a minute.

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On the first day, learn the names of a few people you are likely to see again. Start with the student beside you, a group member or someone on the same route between rooms. Give one greeting or ask one useful question. At the end of the day, think about who responded warmly or offered you information without much prompting.

On the second or third day, pick one person to greet again. “Hi Farah. Did you find the room in the end?” shows you remember the earlier conversation. If they seem interested in talking, ask whether they are heading to recess or whether they want to look at the CCA booths together. Keep the invitation specific enough that a yes means something.

If the first week is busy and nobody has time

Your school’s orientation may be full of movement and instructions. A person you meet at a group game may be sent to a different place before you can talk. You can still use what you noticed. At the next opportunity, “We were in the same activity yesterday” gives you a shared starting point. If you forget the person’s name, ask again and offer yours.

Find one ordinary routine that repeats after orientation. You might see the same person waiting outside a room or queuing for food. Try asking a question while you are both waiting. A familiar routine can give you an opening when a big social event feels too fast.

If you missed orientation or joined the class later

Ask someone who sits near you to explain one routine. “I joined today. Could you show me where the class goes for this lesson?” If they help, follow up the next day. “Thanks for yesterday. I found it this time.” You can ask the form teacher whether someone can show you around or help with the first few breaks. A specific request may be easier to arrange than asking to be introduced to the whole class again.

If classmates already know one another, look for roles that let you join the work. Offer to keep track of materials or ask what part of a group task you can take. Shared work gives you a real reason to talk. Later you can ask a classmate about something that came up while you were working together.

Make the goal fit your personality

If you are quiet, choose one short conversation instead of trying to greet a whole group. If you like meeting many people, make time to follow up with one or two. If speaking in the language of the lesson takes longer for you, keep your first line simple and use what you both can see. You can make room for a friendship in a way that feels manageable.

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Friendships often start with repeated small choices. You greet the same person, sit together once and then suggest another thing you can do together. The invitation does not have to be a large outing. “Want to walk to the library after lunch?” gives you a reason to continue a conversation and an easy end point if either of you needs to leave.

Watch what the other person does over a few meetings. They may ask a question in return, save you a seat, offer to show you something or suggest another time if they are busy. Those actions can tell you more than how long one conversation lasted. A quiet person may show interest by remembering an important detail. A talkative person may seem friendly with everyone and still prefer a smaller circle after school.

Build around what you actually enjoy

If both of you like drawing, you could show each other something you have made. If you both need to prepare for a quiz, you could spend one break checking a few questions. If you usually see each other in CCA, ask what they found difficult in the last session or whether they want to practise one part. An activity you both enjoy gives the conversation somewhere to go when neither of you knows what to say next.

Pay attention to the balance between giving and receiving. You might help someone find a page and they might show you where to submit an assignment. Friendship can include helpfulness without depending on doing each other’s work, paying for things or always saying yes. If a request does not suit you, say so and see how the person responds.

If you want to join a group that already seems close

Look for an appropriate moment when the group is between activities or starting something you can join. “Are you waiting for the same bus?” or “Can I join the next round?” gives people a clear answer to give. If they are in the middle of a private conversation, choose another moment. You can also get to know one member first without asking that person to speak for everyone.

Once you are included, listen for the topic and add something related. You might ask someone to explain a rule, offer a suggestion or help pick up the equipment. If the group does not have room that day, find another option. One closed seat or full team tells you about that moment. A repeated pattern of whether people make space gives you more information.

Let some friendships stay tied to a place

You can have someone you like sitting with in Science and someone else you see mainly at CCA. A friendship does not need to cover every part of school. Let each one grow from what you share. You might eventually meet outside that routine, or you might enjoy knowing someone in that one setting. Both can make the school day feel less unfamiliar.

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Sometimes you ask a question and get a one-word answer. The person may be tired, thinking about something else or simply ready to get to class. You can end the exchange without deciding what it means. “Okay, thanks” gives both of you an easy exit. If you see them again, try a simple greeting and notice how they respond over time.

If you invited someone to sit with you and they said no, listen for whether they offered another chance. “I promised to sit with Maya, but maybe tomorrow” tells you something different from repeated declines with no alternative. You can try once more if it feels natural. After that, put some attention into other people who show interest.

When the conversation feels one-sided

Think about what happened over several meetings. Do you always start the chat, choose the activity and ask the questions? Does the person talk willingly once you begin, or do they regularly look for a way to leave? You can give the friendship room and still spend time with other people. Try a shared activity where you can see whether the person chooses to join when they have a real option.

If you realise you have been asking too many questions, offer a small detail of your own. “I tried the art booth because I like drawing comics.” This gives your classmate something to ask about. If you have been talking for a long time, pause and ask what they thought. A good conversation makes room for both people to choose what to share.

If you said something awkward

You can correct it with a short sentence. “I got your name wrong yesterday. What should I call you?” or “I interrupted earlier. What were you about to say?” Then move back to the ordinary conversation. If the other person seems uncomfortable because of a joke, say what you did and give them room to respond.

Avoid asking several classmates to judge whether the exchange went badly. Ask a trusted friend if you need perspective, or make the small repair directly. The next ordinary hello can tell you more about where things stand than replaying the conversation all afternoon.

Keep old friendships in a way that fits the new school day

Your primary-school friends may have different schedules. You can agree on an occasional message, a weekend call or a time to meet if your families are comfortable with the plan. A shorter routine can keep the friendship active without expecting both people to be free at the same time every day.

When you meet someone new, you can talk about your earlier interests or friendships without comparing every part of the new school with the old one. Give a new classmate a chance to tell you what matters to them too. The new friendship can develop alongside the old one.

If you and a new friend misunderstand each other

Say what you noticed and ask about the practical detail. “I waited by the canteen and couldn’t find you. Did you mean the table near the stairs?” You may discover that both of you showed up in different places. A short clarification can help you decide whether to meet again without making a guess about whether the person likes you.

If the person cancelled without telling you, explain what would help. “Please let me know next time so I can make another plan.” If they say they forgot, decide whether you want to arrange another short meeting. Choose a plan you can still enjoy if they cannot join. You might go to the library anyway and invite them to meet you there.

You can also be the one who missed the agreement. Say what happened and offer a specific way to put it right. “I forgot we said Tuesday. I’m sorry you waited. Are you free on Thursday, or shall we leave it for now?” Give the person room to decide. A brief repair and a reliable follow-through tell them more than a long explanation about how awkward you feel.

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It is possible to feel lonely even when you are surrounded by students. Ask what part of the day is hardest. Recess may be difficult because groups choose tables quickly. A particular lesson might be fine until students are told to pick partners. Your CCA may be welcoming even though the trip home feels quiet. Knowing where the problem happens gives you a place to ask for support.

Tell a trusted adult what you would like to change. “I spend most recesses alone and don’t know where to begin. Could you help me find a classmate to walk down with?” A form teacher or school counsellor can talk with you about practical options. You could also ask about a lunchtime activity or a predictable group role. Let the adult know whether you want help privately.

Recognise repeated hurtful behaviour

A full table and repeated exclusion are different experiences. If classmates regularly move away from you, make targeted jokes, imitate you or use a chat to push you out, tell an adult what is happening. Give one or two examples, when they occurred and whether the behaviour continues. If a message is relevant, share it privately with the adult where appropriate rather than forwarding it around the class.

You might say, “I’ve tried sitting with other people, but the same group follows me and makes comments when I answer in class. It happened on Tuesday and again today. I’d like help making it stop.” If you have already spoken to someone and it continues, follow up with what changed or tell another trusted adult. Ask what to do at the next lesson, recess or session so you have a practical plan.

If a group chat is the main problem

Some classes and activities use a chat for logistics, while students may also have informal chats. If you need an instruction or a schedule, ask where the school or teacher shares it officially. That gives you a way to get important information even if you choose to leave an informal chat.

If a chat is used to pressure or target someone, seek help from a trusted adult and ask how to report the behaviour. You can step away from the conversation and avoid forwarding hurtful material. For parents, the Ministry of Education’s digital habits parent kit includes practical guidance on supporting a child facing online bullying. Take concerns about repeated targeting seriously regardless of whether they begin online or in person.

When you need help joining a routine

Some students benefit from knowing where to go, who to meet or what to say before an activity. You can ask for a small arrangement that you understand. “Can someone show me where the group meets before lunch?” or “Could I have a role assigned for the first group task?” A predictable beginning can make the social part more manageable. Check after a few days whether you want to keep the arrangement or try the next step independently.

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Ask about one part of the day. “Who did you work with in Science?” or “Where did you eat at recess?” can be easier to answer than “Have you made friends yet?” Listen for who made space, which routines were confusing and what the student wants to try. A child who has one person to greet may already have a beginning worth noticing.

If your child wants help, practise one sentence and one follow-up. You could play the person at the recess table. The child asks if a seat is free. You reply that it is. Then try again with “I’m saving it for someone.” Practise a reply that allows the child to leave comfortably. Knowing both possibilities can make an ordinary invitation easier to try.

Help with logistics where they matter

If the child wants to meet someone outside school, discuss the place, time and travel plan. If a regular activity gives them a chance to see the same people, help work out whether it fits around rest, homework and existing commitments. Let the child choose which conversation or invitation they want to try. An outing arranged by adults can create time together, while the friendship still depends on what the children choose to share.

Keep connections to earlier friends realistic. A parent can help find a time that works for both households or make room for an occasional call. If a child prefers to spend more time getting to know new classmates, follow their lead. Ask how they want to handle an old friendship that has become harder to maintain.

Know when to ask the school for help

If your child describes repeated targeting, a difficult transition routine or ongoing distress about a particular part of the school day, ask which school adult can help. Share the examples the child is comfortable discussing and identify what needs to happen next. “Recess is the hardest time. Could we discuss a place to go or someone to check in with?” is specific enough to act on.

Tell the child what you will share and ask what they would like the adult to understand. They may want to attend the conversation or tell the teacher themselves while you help prepare. Agree how you will check whether the situation is changing. The first plan may be as simple as knowing who to look for tomorrow.

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You have one friendly classmate and no recess plan

Aidan talks to a student called Jay during a lesson. They work well together but leave class in different directions. Aidan spends the next break walking around and wonders whether Jay actually wants to be friends. On the next day he changes the timing of the invitation. Before the bell he asks, “Are you going down for recess? Want to walk together?” Jay says he needs to see a teacher first, but he offers to meet at the canteen afterwards.

Aidan goes down when he is ready and asks where to meet. When Jay arrives, they talk about the lesson and one of the orientation games. They do not agree to spend every recess together. The next day Aidan can say hello and see what works. If Jay has other plans, Aidan can ask another classmate or take a quiet break.

You can try this with the person you already know best in one setting. Make the first invitation fit the next ten minutes. A walk downstairs, a stop at the library or a chance to compare materials before class is short enough for either person to accept comfortably. If they offer another time, follow up once and see whether the routine fits both of you.

You joined an activity where everyone seems to have a group

Lin starts a club after several students have already made friends in orientation. She sees a table with three members working on a model. Instead of trying to join their conversation about the previous week, she asks what part of the model is unfinished. They tell her they need someone to check the lengths before they attach a piece. Lin asks where the instructions are and takes the check.

While they work, she asks one student how they joined the club. The student tells her about the activity they tried in primary school. Lin mentions a drawing project she enjoyed. When the session ends, she asks which table the group usually uses. At the next meeting she can greet them and find out whether she should continue working there. If the teacher changes the groups, she will still know a few names.

The important part of this scene is the real task. Lin could join as someone with a contribution and a question. You can look for a similar role when a group sets up equipment, makes a poster or runs a game. If the task has already started and the group cannot add a person, ask the activity leader where you can help. That gives you a separate route into the room.

You would rather talk one-to-one than approach a whole group

Noor is comfortable with one or two people but finds a large recess table difficult to join. During a group activity she notices another student who also likes writing stories. The next day she brings up one detail they discussed. “Did you finish the story you were telling me about?” They talk for a few minutes, then decide to compare what they are reading at the library during one break.

Noor also wants a way to manage a crowded break. She asks her form teacher whether there is an activity with smaller groups during a suitable time. The teacher may be able to suggest a place, a person or an arrangement to try. Noor can keep using the smaller setting while finding out whether she wants to spend time with a larger group later.

You can let someone know what kind of meeting works for you. “I’d rather sit somewhere a bit quieter. Want to go upstairs?” gives them a choice. If they like a busier table, you can meet at a different time. A friendship can include several ways of spending time together. You may have more room to talk while walking to the next lesson than when several conversations are happening at once.

Make a simple map of people and places

Write three places where you spend time at school. Next to each place, write one person you might recognise, one ordinary activity you share and a small invitation that would fit. “Science room. Hana. We both take out the same equipment. Ask whether she wants to compare the set-up.” Leave a space for what happened when you tried it.

The map can change. You may find that a classmate is friendly while working but always spends recess with a sibling. Someone you thought was too busy may show you how to do a CCA task. A teacher might pair you with someone you had not noticed. Use the map to remember openings rather than decide early who must become your friend.

If you need a goal for the second week, pick one follow-up from the map. “Ask the student from Science whether they found the notes” is specific. If they answer briefly, you still have other places to try. If they ask you something in return, see whether another short exchange would feel natural.

Include someone else once you know the routine

When you recognise a student standing by the door, you can ask whether they know where the group is meeting. If you have an open seat and the group is happy to share it, say so. Introduce two people who both want to talk about the same activity. These are small actions that make a routine easier to join.

If someone declines, let the offer stand without asking them to explain in front of everyone. They may want a quieter break or already have a plan. You can greet them next time and offer again when it fits. Treat their decision with the same room you would like to have when someone invites you.

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How long should it take to make friends in Secondary 1?

There is no fixed timetable. You may talk easily with one person in orientation and take longer to find a routine with them. Notice whether you have one or two people you can greet, where you can sit and which activity you look forward to. If you feel stuck across repeated attempts, ask a trusted adult to help find a manageable next step.

What if everyone knows someone from primary school?

Look for people who are also learning the routines, even if they already have a friend. A student can arrive with a friend and still be open to working or sitting with you. Start in a setting that gives people a reason to mix, such as a class task or CCA activity. Ask one person a practical question and follow up later.

Is it okay to eat alone sometimes?

Yes. You might want a quieter break or have a different schedule from your friends. If you would prefer company and often cannot find a way to join someone, practise a small invitation or ask your teacher about a routine that would help. The useful question is what kind of break you want and how to make it possible.

What if my closest friend is in another class?

Look for a time you are both free, such as part of recess or an agreed place after school. You can enjoy that friendship and still ask someone in your own class about a shared lesson or task. Having people you can talk with in more than one place can make it easier to handle schedule changes.

What can I try tomorrow?

Pick a place you will already be. Choose a person you have seen more than once, or someone who appears open to conversation. Try a short question such as “Are you heading to recess now?” If they respond, offer your name or follow up on something they said. The next time you meet, say hello again. That is enough to give the conversation somewhere to go.

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